Just another issue..........

After reviewing my last entry I realized that I should state that entry was just fantasy talk because I really do love my husband. This time last year we were struggling with some challenges that I know have crumbled many marriages but I made the decision that I would not end our marriage because of money. Now I could have ended it because of the lies and deceit about where the money went but I decided I would first address this issue head on and educate myself about gambling addictions and see if my husband was going to reach out for help. I think that people now a days throw their hands up and walk away from marriages to quickly without attempting to make it work. Some might say that I am wrong about my opinion and my own decision to stay but that is the way it goes with free will. Hell, there are days I question myself about my decision! Being honest I would have to say I have a issue with failing and I have always seen divorce as failing. Maybe that is a cop out since I am a person of habit and don't always enjoy the challenges of change. This uncertainty is something I am working on as one of my goals for 2008. Working on myself is challenging at times but also has some rewards when I realize some of my strengths. (believe it or not I have found some strengths) As I am working on this journey I am finding that I am running into obstacles that keep me going back and questioning my motives.One huge issue I struggle with in so many aspects of my life is " am I settling". I don't want to just settle for things because it is easier but I also don't want to always strive to reach higher to the point where I am never content. I am trying to learn that one person can not meet all of my expectations and that does not mean I am settling when they don't meet them. Wonder if this makes any sense?
Looking back at this entry I am realizing that I am getting way to deep lately and I need to lighten up a laugh a little more. Note to self to remember to have more fun as I walk through this journey called life. That is a wonderful trait my husband has - he knows how to make me lighten up and laugh even when I don't think I want too.