Think first........

When will I ever learn to think before I speak?! Yesterday while I was in the kitchen cutting up veggies my husband walks in with the daily pile of mail which consist of bill after bill and says "Well another official letter from ___ (car industry) and I am on layoff for week number seven" This is the part were I should have kept my mouth shut and thought about what to say instead of being insensitive to how bad this must make hubby feel. This is also when I should have remembered my word "gratitude" cause we are at least drawing $200.00 in unemployment during this time. BUT NO instead of thinking first I just immediately starting spurting off sentences like "you are going to have to find a different job" "how are we ever going to get out of debt" " why isn't the company calling you back to work since you are contracted so you get paid less and this saves the company money" "I am going to have to get a second job to keep up"
As soon as I overreacted I immediately wanted to take it back but by the look on my husbands face the damage was already done. The look of defeat and depression on his face just broke my heart. I said I am sorry and I know its not your fault and I know you want to be working but I don't think it helped much. Damn it I have got to learn to stop going into panic mode and reacting when ever a money issue arises. Why do I go from zero to one hundred on the anxiety scale when it comes to money? Our mortgage is up to date and all of the minimums have been paid on the other bills. Well except the hospital bills. They believe I should be giving them two hundred a month and I can only allocate fifty at this time. Seriously I need to be so grateful that we are doing as well as we are. How do I get past this constant money fear and live in the moment of now where we are alright? Sometimes late at night I get these money anxiety moments and I try to think of the worst situation and then try to set a plan for it. How crazy is that - planning for something that hasn't even happen and may never happen. I am going to just have to keep praying for peace of mind and faith.............