Fear is a chapter I don't like to talk about.......

Fear is usually a emotion I try to stay clear of. Now I am not saying all fear cause I have no problem admitting I am afraid of spiders and have been known to vacate a room if there is one in there. I am talking about the emotional fear I try to hide from others. The fear of really just taking chances and letting go to see what happens. The fear of not portraying a image of everything is fine. If you ask people that know me they will say my house is clean and looks so cute the way everything matches perfectly, and they will say she always matches her clothes from head to toe, and her husband just spoils her. I will go to many extremes to ensure that I appear to be able to do it all from the Norman Rockwell home at holidays, the career with 45+hours, the appearance of a loving perfect husband, the perfectly selected outfit for the occasion, to knowledge of the subject that may be discussed at a event. One might say that this is a image of perfection I am attempting to portrait but I believe it is fear instead. I fear that others may see that there is a crack in my foundation. I envy people that can just let go and take risk and don't show the worry of the outcome. I am not talking about adventure risk like skydiving or scuba diving in unknown waters I am talking about personal risk with their emotions. People that can just open up for the world to see what they are feeling and what they are about. People who love with everything in them not fearing the hurt the other could cause them or fear of losing who they are within this other person. I am not saying I don't love because of fear because I really do love my husband but I believe I fear loving him with everything in me. It's the fear to open up myself completely and show who I am because that will give people ability to hurt me if they need or want to. Back to those childhood experiences that seem to shape who I am now. I am not using my childhood as a excuse because I believe that we can overcome those and must overcome those issues but first we must acknowledge them. Maybe that is what has lead me to write this. Maybe I need to identify the effects of my childhood so I can change them. Maybe I will learn that fear is nothing to fear because when bad things happen we can dust ourselves off, learn from it, and move on. Maybe I will stop fearing making a mistake that I will have to live with. Maybe I will learn that I don't really care what people think of the real me and stop hiding her. Is fear a good emotion to fear or am I selling myself short by being so fearful?