I read this story yesterday about a guy named Ian and I haven't been able to get it off my mind since! For those of you who haven't heard the about this rather interesting story let me give the highlights.
~Ian found woman of his dreams and they married
~They buy a gorgeous house and fill it with love and memories and many beautiful things.
~They buy toys like motorcycle, jet ski, cars.
~Suddenly wife leaves and now Ian is lost even in his own world
Ian now no longer wants to live in the dream that him and his wife built together. He doesn't want to live in the shadow of what could have been.So, now this is where it takes a interesting turn. Ian decided to sell his life on E-Bay!!! That's right he is selling everything in one large lot and he is going to walk away with the clothes on his back, his wallet, and passport. Please note he is not selling his ID only his life. He even convinced the company he works for to give the person who buys his life a chance at his job. Wow, this is just amazing to me! I have thought and even said I would love to just walk away and start over somewhere else BUT to really do it! I imagine there are many people out there saying he has gone off the deep end and some people are going to say you can't run away from yourself so a geographical change isn't going to fix it BUT I don't think that is the case here. I believe he really does just want a clean break to start completely over. It's like he is getting rid of all of the material things so that he can truly figure out who he is. The man has got some guts to really do this. Many talk about just driving off into the sunset but how many really do it. How many people would truly leave their comfort zone and really walk outside their box. Heck most people have issues just taking a different route on the road when there is road construction. I hope he keeps up his blog so I can continue to follow his life. Yes, he did include his computer in the sale so it might take him a while to give updates. Maybe the reason I can't get this story off my mind is as much as I would love to say I could do that I couldn't. It is one thing to talk the talk but he is walking the walk. I wonder if he has any idea how attractive this makes him to women like me. I am smitten with a man so brave of facing the unknown head on without questioning what is outside the box. And of course he is doing it the smart way - with money! Could you or would you do what he has done? I would love to hear your honest opinions...............
Monday, June 23, 2008
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Shhhh I am peeking at mens sites........
I am still thinking about the very interesting bit of the information I learned on the site called askmen.com. I have added them to my good reads list cause I am thinking I could learn some really important stuff and some really good stuff from the site. I won't give away all their fun but I will tell you I learned a few new grilling recipes and I learned a few new sex positions that I want to try to see if even possible, and I learned men have as many dumb surveys as us girls. Oh, and while I am plugging sites the "Asylum" is another good one for getting inside info on men. It is kind of entertaining to peek into the world of men sites.
Can you help me understand.............
I just don't understand why a woman would tolerate being berated and belittled in public by the man she is with and not stand up for herself today. ( I do understand the mental abuse that rips her self esteem apart but I still get angry)
Wait let me back up and give you the story here.......
Yesterday I was forced to throw my very organized schedule for the day out the window by 1:30 which was fine except that meant some rearranging that ended me up at the store rather late on a Friday evening. I was walking along pushing the cart reminiscing about my day in my head when I this asshole (sorry but that's what he was) talking loudly to the girl he was with got my attention. Let me give you a bit of a visual - me in jean shorts, white t-shirt, flip flops OH WAIT I meant a visual of the couple! The couple was in the forty range, the woman was average weight and height with gorgeous curly long brown hair (the cute messy look) and the asshole was about 5'10" and thin (not fit thin with muscles just thin like a stick). If you were to see them at a distance where you couldn't hear him or see the haunting look in her eyes you would like they were the average everyday couple just shopping together. Now that you have the picture let me get back to the story. Like I said I was snapped out of my daydreaming by the tone and the words his jerk spewed at this woman. I heard him say:
"I don't know why we are even here buying this shit it's not like you can cook. I should have traded you in a long time ago cause now even the junkyard won't want you."
At this point she just looks down (avoiding eye contact with me) and pushes on with the cart. So as we pass each other going the opposite direction down the aisle I so wanted to trip this jerk as he walked by giving me a rather perverted glare. By the time I was at the opposite end of the aisle I was steaming hot with the of nasty visual of him glaring at me. ( in case you don't know my history I am a survivor of childhood abuse so I am very aware of abusive men) Now any of you that know me know the last thing I was going to do is let this pond scum have the last word with me or glare for that matter. Honestly if he hadn't given me that look I would have not said a word except to pray for the woman when I went to bed. ANYWAY, I could have avoided them the rest of my time shopping but I was not going to back down or change my path of shopping just because of him. I ended up right across from the lovely couple in the meat department where they were on one side of the display and I was on the other side. She was reaching for in the display for something at the same time I was reaching in from the other side to get breakfast sausage when the creep says "why don't you ever get do smart things like buy breakfast sausage like she is to cook. " YEP that was the opening I was waiting for!!! I looked up right at her and I said if you are looking for something smart to do Leaving him should be top on of the list!!! I know I shouldn't have said it but really I just had no control of what my mouth was saying. (it felt really good saying it too) The asshole immediately calls me a bitch (softer than the tone he had earlier) as I walk away. So, now here is the part I need help understanding. As I cruise past the frozen foods aisle headed toward the check out I see him sulking next to their cart and I hear her say "HONEY what favor ice cream you want?" Good God woman why would you call a creature like him Honey??? A rather cute woman that appears to be middle class (no ring on her ring) accepting this behavior is just sad.
Speaking of behavior - when I got home and told my husband this story he first was upset because he is very protective of me and then he smiles and says that guy really thought you were going to cook those breakfast sausages.............
Wait let me back up and give you the story here.......
Yesterday I was forced to throw my very organized schedule for the day out the window by 1:30 which was fine except that meant some rearranging that ended me up at the store rather late on a Friday evening. I was walking along pushing the cart reminiscing about my day in my head when I this asshole (sorry but that's what he was) talking loudly to the girl he was with got my attention. Let me give you a bit of a visual - me in jean shorts, white t-shirt, flip flops OH WAIT I meant a visual of the couple! The couple was in the forty range, the woman was average weight and height with gorgeous curly long brown hair (the cute messy look) and the asshole was about 5'10" and thin (not fit thin with muscles just thin like a stick). If you were to see them at a distance where you couldn't hear him or see the haunting look in her eyes you would like they were the average everyday couple just shopping together. Now that you have the picture let me get back to the story. Like I said I was snapped out of my daydreaming by the tone and the words his jerk spewed at this woman. I heard him say:
"I don't know why we are even here buying this shit it's not like you can cook. I should have traded you in a long time ago cause now even the junkyard won't want you."
At this point she just looks down (avoiding eye contact with me) and pushes on with the cart. So as we pass each other going the opposite direction down the aisle I so wanted to trip this jerk as he walked by giving me a rather perverted glare. By the time I was at the opposite end of the aisle I was steaming hot with the of nasty visual of him glaring at me. ( in case you don't know my history I am a survivor of childhood abuse so I am very aware of abusive men) Now any of you that know me know the last thing I was going to do is let this pond scum have the last word with me or glare for that matter. Honestly if he hadn't given me that look I would have not said a word except to pray for the woman when I went to bed. ANYWAY, I could have avoided them the rest of my time shopping but I was not going to back down or change my path of shopping just because of him. I ended up right across from the lovely couple in the meat department where they were on one side of the display and I was on the other side. She was reaching for in the display for something at the same time I was reaching in from the other side to get breakfast sausage when the creep says "why don't you ever get do smart things like buy breakfast sausage like she is to cook. " YEP that was the opening I was waiting for!!! I looked up right at her and I said if you are looking for something smart to do Leaving him should be top on of the list!!! I know I shouldn't have said it but really I just had no control of what my mouth was saying. (it felt really good saying it too) The asshole immediately calls me a bitch (softer than the tone he had earlier) as I walk away. So, now here is the part I need help understanding. As I cruise past the frozen foods aisle headed toward the check out I see him sulking next to their cart and I hear her say "HONEY what favor ice cream you want?" Good God woman why would you call a creature like him Honey??? A rather cute woman that appears to be middle class (no ring on her ring) accepting this behavior is just sad.
Speaking of behavior - when I got home and told my husband this story he first was upset because he is very protective of me and then he smiles and says that guy really thought you were going to cook those breakfast sausages.............
Friday, June 20, 2008
I can't believe I am admitting to this.........
As promised some rather funny blurbs from my ever challenging life just lately.........
~ As noted earlier I did take my niece to the farm last weekend. I learned that it doesn't matter if the barn doors and windows are open it smells really bad in the cow barn.
~ Another valuable lesson from the farm experience you should always and I mean always stay at least five feet from the ass of a cow cause when they let go it splatters every direction!
~ Did you know the stuffing from a small Ernie doll can cover the floor of a TV room if a puppy takes it out carefully. (wonder why he spared Bert)
~ I learned that if you have something stuck to the bottom of our foot do not rub it against the top of your other foot. WTF was I thinking??
~Strangers can be nice people! Alright before you starting thinking the worst let me explain. While driving down the highway to work (jamming to my Nickelback CD) when I saw a bug walking across my dashboard and we all know I freak out about bugs. I rolled down the windows hoping the wind of going 70 would blow the creature away BUT NO he just hangs on and starts staring at me. Yes, he was staring at me! Anyway the creepy crawly starts walking again and he is headed my direction and I realize I am going to have to take action. I proceed to change lanes so I can exit the highway and pull into a gas station (here is where the nice stranger comes in) I put the Jeep in park exited the vehicle and asked the very very nice guy who was pumping gas if he would PLEASE come kill the bug. At first he says "your kidding" and I explained very quickly that I wasn't and if he didn't hurry the evil little thing might hide and then I would be in even a bigger need cause I would need a ride to work. The very nice stranger killed the bug (my hero) and walked away smirking.
~ I learned my cell phone doesn't float. It ended up in the pool but by the grace of God it dried out and worked the next day. (don't tell AT&T cause I plan on trading it off to them soon)
~ Oh gosh let me tell you I learned the hard way this week that you should not wear thongs and to tight of jeans at the same time. Very painful lesson that I won't be repeating!
Alright already I am going to stop sharing my crazy experiences that have happened lately cause I am sure you are already thinking the worst of me. Oh, well that's why I stay anonymous. :)
~ As noted earlier I did take my niece to the farm last weekend. I learned that it doesn't matter if the barn doors and windows are open it smells really bad in the cow barn.
~ Another valuable lesson from the farm experience you should always and I mean always stay at least five feet from the ass of a cow cause when they let go it splatters every direction!
~ Did you know the stuffing from a small Ernie doll can cover the floor of a TV room if a puppy takes it out carefully. (wonder why he spared Bert)
~ I learned that if you have something stuck to the bottom of our foot do not rub it against the top of your other foot. WTF was I thinking??
~Strangers can be nice people! Alright before you starting thinking the worst let me explain. While driving down the highway to work (jamming to my Nickelback CD) when I saw a bug walking across my dashboard and we all know I freak out about bugs. I rolled down the windows hoping the wind of going 70 would blow the creature away BUT NO he just hangs on and starts staring at me. Yes, he was staring at me! Anyway the creepy crawly starts walking again and he is headed my direction and I realize I am going to have to take action. I proceed to change lanes so I can exit the highway and pull into a gas station (here is where the nice stranger comes in) I put the Jeep in park exited the vehicle and asked the very very nice guy who was pumping gas if he would PLEASE come kill the bug. At first he says "your kidding" and I explained very quickly that I wasn't and if he didn't hurry the evil little thing might hide and then I would be in even a bigger need cause I would need a ride to work. The very nice stranger killed the bug (my hero) and walked away smirking.
~ I learned my cell phone doesn't float. It ended up in the pool but by the grace of God it dried out and worked the next day. (don't tell AT&T cause I plan on trading it off to them soon)
~ Oh gosh let me tell you I learned the hard way this week that you should not wear thongs and to tight of jeans at the same time. Very painful lesson that I won't be repeating!
Alright already I am going to stop sharing my crazy experiences that have happened lately cause I am sure you are already thinking the worst of me. Oh, well that's why I stay anonymous. :)
Friday, June 13, 2008
Very Random thoughts..........
So these are very random thoughts that I have been having that are probably better left unsaid so this is just between you and me.....
~~ Wonder if I will make any sense in this posting since I am on my third glass of wine.
~~ I think that when a medicine says on the bottle that it might intensify alcohol they mean it.
~~I wish I didn't eat a mango and drink wine today cause I am now really in a naughty mood and home alone. :(
~~ I still can't believe I was foolish enough to let my neighbors talk me into partaking in the whole neighborhood rummage. WTF I should be smarter than that!!
~~ I think I am doing much better emotionally since I started taking those little pills the size of tic-tacs I was so against. Maybe it isn't a personal weakness to need a bit of assistance from medicine.
~~ I probably shouldn't have flirted with the salesmen that called the house this evening. But he did have a sexy voice or is that the wine talking? (It might have been the mango talking)
~~ I have been working hard this week at controlling the anxiety as it rises. How did I get so out of control so fast. I have been able to control it for so long with self control and deep breathing.
~~ Wonder if the girl I am helping work through her abuse issues is doing alright. Sometimes it is amazing to me when I work with women just starting out dealing with their childhood abuse how far I have come. I would never have dreamed that it would be possible for me to rise above what happen and use the bad experiences as a positive now.
~~ Wonder if I this is a midlife crisis I am going through that is causing me to want to leave my job, sell my house and move far away to a small town and have a cute little house with a big garden in the back.
~~ I can't believe how tough I was yesterday killing a spider in the basement instead of running. (Please note that I had Raid in one hand and the broom in the other hand.)
~~ Wonder if there will be passion in my marriage again or will it just be what it is. Funny how I am the one that is stalking him for sex. Interesting how maybe now the age difference is effecting us or is it? Maybe it is just him and not the age.
I titled it correctly when I said RANDOM thoughts. Well anyway I am doing somewhat better these days which is encouraging. I am really really trying to not project situations that have not even occurred yet. I have been reminding myself daily that everything will work out alright and this is not worth my peace of mind. My goodness in the big picture of my life this is small potatoes so I need to suck it up, pick myself up and dust off, and start being the strong survivor I know I am. My next posting will be some crazy azz funny story of something goofy I have done lately cause this one is way to serious. (Plus I am taking my niece who is 6 out to a farm breakfast and farm event at 8:30am tomorrow) Now that should be interesting - the smell of farm while I am recovering from wine this evening. YIKES!
~~
~~ Wonder if I will make any sense in this posting since I am on my third glass of wine.
~~ I think that when a medicine says on the bottle that it might intensify alcohol they mean it.
~~I wish I didn't eat a mango and drink wine today cause I am now really in a naughty mood and home alone. :(
~~ I still can't believe I was foolish enough to let my neighbors talk me into partaking in the whole neighborhood rummage. WTF I should be smarter than that!!
~~ I think I am doing much better emotionally since I started taking those little pills the size of tic-tacs I was so against. Maybe it isn't a personal weakness to need a bit of assistance from medicine.
~~ I probably shouldn't have flirted with the salesmen that called the house this evening. But he did have a sexy voice or is that the wine talking? (It might have been the mango talking)
~~ I have been working hard this week at controlling the anxiety as it rises. How did I get so out of control so fast. I have been able to control it for so long with self control and deep breathing.
~~ Wonder if the girl I am helping work through her abuse issues is doing alright. Sometimes it is amazing to me when I work with women just starting out dealing with their childhood abuse how far I have come. I would never have dreamed that it would be possible for me to rise above what happen and use the bad experiences as a positive now.
~~ Wonder if I this is a midlife crisis I am going through that is causing me to want to leave my job, sell my house and move far away to a small town and have a cute little house with a big garden in the back.
~~ I can't believe how tough I was yesterday killing a spider in the basement instead of running. (Please note that I had Raid in one hand and the broom in the other hand.)
~~ Wonder if there will be passion in my marriage again or will it just be what it is. Funny how I am the one that is stalking him for sex. Interesting how maybe now the age difference is effecting us or is it? Maybe it is just him and not the age.
I titled it correctly when I said RANDOM thoughts. Well anyway I am doing somewhat better these days which is encouraging. I am really really trying to not project situations that have not even occurred yet. I have been reminding myself daily that everything will work out alright and this is not worth my peace of mind. My goodness in the big picture of my life this is small potatoes so I need to suck it up, pick myself up and dust off, and start being the strong survivor I know I am. My next posting will be some crazy azz funny story of something goofy I have done lately cause this one is way to serious. (Plus I am taking my niece who is 6 out to a farm breakfast and farm event at 8:30am tomorrow) Now that should be interesting - the smell of farm while I am recovering from wine this evening. YIKES!
~~
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Coming up for air........
It has been to long since I last wrote. I have been fighting the demon of depression with all that I have which has exhausted me and left no energy for good things. I consider myself a some what strong person and I have overcome many adversities in my life but lately I haven't been so strong. In fact I realized that I was losing the battle of depression and anxiety so I went to see the doctor. (Please note that I said the battle, cause one can lose a battle and still win the war) So here I am thinking that I am losing it and at any given moment the men with the white coats are coming when the wonderful doctor tells me that this depression/anxiety could very well be from quitting smoking!!! Yippee I thought I finally had a medical excuse to go back smoking but she explained that NO I shouldn't go back smoking but that I might need a low dose of medicine for a few months. When the doctor told me this I began to laugh because of all the horrible life experiences I have gone through I never would have thought quitting smoking would bring me to my knees. After leaving the doctors office that day I went and got a large coffee and parked by the lake. I believe I was only parked about two minutes when I began to cry. Once I started crying I didn't think I was ever going to stop. I started out crying because I felt like such a weak person needing the help of medicine to fight the depression/anxiety and from there I just kept on crying for all of the hurt I have buried for so long. I didn't bury the hurt to deny it I buried it because I didn't feel I had time to hurt I only had time to find solutions for the problems on hand. Since the age of five when my parents divorced I assumed the role of care taking. I am not sure if that role was forced on me or if it is a genetic trait. Regardless something in me has changed after all of these years. Wonder if it from quitting smoking or from pushing the forty marker or the breaking of the trust from my husband or my father passing or maybe I am just tired of being the strong one for so many people.
So after I could cry no more and I finished my coffee I went to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled. I kept my sunglasses on in the store cause I looked very scary from all the crying. When the pharmacist came out to give me the prescription he asked me if I had any questions which could have been a very dangerous thing to do but I just shook my head no and took the bag. Once I got home I opened the bag, took out bottle, and opened to peek at the pills that are going to save me from myself. I am finding it really hard to believe that a pill the size of a tic tac is going to fix me but I will keep you posted.................
So after I could cry no more and I finished my coffee I went to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled. I kept my sunglasses on in the store cause I looked very scary from all the crying. When the pharmacist came out to give me the prescription he asked me if I had any questions which could have been a very dangerous thing to do but I just shook my head no and took the bag. Once I got home I opened the bag, took out bottle, and opened to peek at the pills that are going to save me from myself. I am finding it really hard to believe that a pill the size of a tic tac is going to fix me but I will keep you posted.................
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