Just Ranting..............

I need to start out saying that I am a bit on the cranky side today. Hey I have a really good excuse! You see last night we had a thunder storm and apparently my puppy feels safer from the storm by sitting on my head. How would you like to wake up more than once with a puppy azz in your face? I tried to explain to him that my head was no safer a place than being by my side but he just wasn't having it. This battle was occurring two hours before the alarm clock was due to go off. So not a good way to start a Monday. My poor little man was just a wreck and I am a bit sleep deprived. Anyway that is why I am a bit crabby.
Since I knew I was crabby I decided that it was in my best interest (and everyone else) to just stay quiet and keep my comments to myself at work today BUT now that I am out of the office and away from those people I MUST rant!! Why do a very large amount of women find it necessary to talk poorly about other women? It doesn't appear to matter if they know each other well or not at all. Women just seems to talk about other women or seem to find a way to make other women look bad. Really if you think about it how many times do you hear a women complimenting another women. Why are we so insecure as women that we find the need to do this? Maybe insecure isn't the right word for it but that is what comes to mind when I think of all the petty things that women say that are mean about each other. Hell some women are even mean to the the women they call friends when they aren't around. I just don't understand how a woman can acted like she likes someone even show gestures of caring and then turn around and talk down this person when they aren't around. Why does everything in life have to be a competition with other women? It doesn't appear to me that as many men do this to each other. I am not saying all cause I know some do but it doesn't seem to be a majority. In fact I received this email recently and it kind of sums up what I am saying.
Why men have better friends
Friendship between women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship between men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, 8 of which confirmed that he had slept over, and 2 said that he was still there.

It just appears that even in this email that men stick together more than women. Men seem to watch out for each other right or wrong more than women do. Interesting to note I would have definitely not admitted to whether or not his wife stayed the night at my house without first talking to her for our story. That is just my personality though. I also would note that I rather work with 50 men then 5 women. Men let you know were you stand with them good or bad and when are mad they say there piece then get over it but when a woman gets mad and she says her piece that is just the beginning. I know I am being tough on us women but for the love of God we need to build each other up and stop tearing each other down........

Enough...

Excuse me Mother Nature but - Enough snow already! Hello did you forget that spring has sprung and it is time to put the snow away till next year. The population sign in my town is going to have to change with the amount of snowmen that have been built this season and my yard is now going to be considered holy ground because of the amount of snow angels that have been created. Yes, living in Wisconsin during this winter has been challenging. I have a Jeep so driving in the snow wasn't bad but I do not have a snow boy (much like a pool boy but for winter) so cleaning off the Jeep windows and shoveling the snow was another story. Alright who am I kidding my husband did 98% of the snow removal BUT I did sweep off the porch. Before you go thinking her poor husband please note that I am from the south and he is from here and he is the reason we still live in this climate so he has brought this upon himself. I am more than happy for us to move to the south and I will maintain the yard. I believe I would enjoy living in the south if we had the opportunity but I am not sure my Yankee boy would ever be happy. I did get him down home for a visit a few years back and one thing he was commenting about was the amount of bugs on his windshield and how everybody talks to us like they have known us our entire life. I had to talk for his sorry butt a few times so we didn't seem rude cause he just wasn't use to chatting with strangers but he did start doing some better after a bit. Funny how I realized after that visit back to the south how much influence the north has had on me. I wonder if I would really like living in the south anymore? There are definitely things here in the north I enjoy like the absolutely perfect fall weather, I enjoy living two blocks from Lake Michigan, my job pays fairly well which isn't easy to find in the south, and will I admit I do like a white Christmas. Please let me note that I only like it white the week of Christmas and other than that forget it! Ah the south brings pleasure to me in the form southern comfort food, friendly people who seem to know how to be polite always, slower pace style, ceiling fans on porches that wrap around the house and have at least one swing on it, simple pleasures without the need to be materialistic. Maybe if I start requesting now by the time we retire I can get my husband to at least live part of the year in the south. (I am picking the part of the year after Christmas when it is cold, dark, and snowing in the north.) All this talk of the home makes me want a glass of sweet tea...

What was she thinking?

For the love of God what was my sister thinking having four children? I had three of them for just a few hours today and that was long enough for me to now be seeking therapy. They are all so special and I have such fun spending time with each one of them BUT when you put them all together not so much fun. They all want something different with the exception of all wanting to drive their Aunt crazy. I find they can get along well when they are working together for the same cause of getting something over on me. Two of them talked me into believing we could be careful and not get muddy if we went to the park! Wrong wrong wrong. The little guy that begged and promised to stay clean the loudest was the first one running through the mud!! We are all going to require bathes this evening, including my once white puppy. It is so worth the tongue lashing my sister gives when she sees rather dirty children. The kids, my puppy,and myself went and played in the park near my home. In the children's defense the puppy was chasing them and jumping up causing the kids to fall to the ground laughing. Yep, that is our story and we are sticking to it. I wish I would have taken pictures of our playtime. I will have make it a point to keep my camera in my purse. Well I would love to stay and write more details but I got a stinky little puppy trying to get into my lap so I better go run him a bubble bath. :)

Could hot pink toe nails make me better?

Now you know it is bad when you are tired of your own shit............
Today is the day I am giving myself a kick in the ass to remind me to get a life. I just looked over what I have written this year so far and it is blah,blah,blah. For the love of God I have to loosen up and have some fun. Not sure if it is the bottle of wine I am finishing up as I write or that fact the sun finally showed up instead of snow or the new hot pink nail polish I put on my toes BUT whatever it is it showed up just in the nick of time. I have spent the better part of the day sulking in my shit trying to find a good reason I could justify it. Not even a bottle of wine could help justify that. So with that being said let the clean up begin. Should I start my cleaning with the house or myself? Well I do know that my anal self always feels better when I get some stuff done around the house so that is were I better start. When I started out this year I has these grandiose ideas of all these house projects to be done and never once gave much thought to how I was going to execute and complete them all. I attempted to trick the hubby into getting on board my over zealous planned boat but he wouldn't fall for it. Speaking of him why is it he has 20/20 vision but yet can not see the dust that needs to wiped away? Maybe does see it but yet it doesn't bother him. Hell as far he is concerned as long as the dust bunnies aren't laying on his couch or hiding his remote control the world is alright. DaMn! We are so opposite I can't believe we have stayed together this many years.(18)
Besides the kick in the azz I gave me while drinking my wine and waiting for my toe nail polish to dry I did jot down a few things. I so love list!! How do people without list ever get through a day? The first list was immediate cleaning things I will do and the second list was the good one. Here are some of the things that I put on this list:

1. Stop being a dumb azz toughie and call the doctor in regards to maybe getting some of those happy pills that half the female population is on. No not ones for sex drive cause my drive is in permanent 4 wheel overdrive! I think it maybe in my best interest and everyone around if I get some mood altering assistance. No really I need to lighten up on the people around me. You know it is bad when I am saying "no I am not suicidal but I am feeling rather homicidal. Yikes pass me a little yellow pill quickly!
2. Frickin' stop worrying about finances constantly! I need a daily reminder that I can only pay out what I bring in and as long as the mortgage is paid and the minimum payments on everything else that it will be alright. So what if it is going to take me two years of living poorly to accomplish this (assuming nothing else major happens during that time) I am a survivor so I will make it through. Must remember I still have choices!
3. Must have fun! Sad I have to remind myself to have fun but that will change in time. I have so much around me that I can have fun with. Like - a small semi trailer full of scrap booking supplies, a wonderful lounge chair that I can sit in when it warms up and read one of the many books I have bought that I haven't read yet, getting together more with my one close friend that I share all my secrets with, walking the puppy by the lake when it is warmer, go take pictures with my camera I got for Christmas, (side note - I love photos)(second side note- I have a really hot male friend who use to take pictures for a career that I would love to learn from) So when I got to here on the list my mind started to wander off about my hot photo man who is a bad boy and rides a motorcycle and the list stopped. Mmmmm better stop talking about him since we know what happens to us girls when we drink a bit much. OK one more comment about him - he is one of the most sexually giving lover a girl could long for. Uh oh now I have said to much.

I must mention that there should be one more on this list and it will be - Make your post out on this blog fun/interesting and not something that people use to help them get sleepy. I do not want my blog used as a sleep aid! And with that being said I better get my tipsy azz up and moving since the wine is gone and my hot pink toe nails are dry....

Love.........

I am pondering over how one four letter word can mean so much and have such power. By now if you have read any of my prior postings you will know what is coming next. Yes, I looked it up in the dictionary! I was not surprised to find that there are numerous definitions and here are some of ones listed:

1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
3. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
4 A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
5. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.

Love is so powerful and yet that is not listed in the definition. Not feeling love can hurt you down to the core but yet the definition does not state love is essential for well being. And there is nothing in the dictionary defining unconditional love. Wonder if there really is such a thing as unconditional love? It would be a absolute no limitation love. Is that possible?
All this talk of love really makes me wish I could feel someone loving me.........................

PS. As I stated in my last posting I need to lighten up and have fun SO I bought a bottle of wine that I plan on drinking this weekend and a new color of nail polish that I plan on using to paint my toe nails. Note to self - paint nails before drinking bottle of wine to avoid complete coverage of toes in hot pink polish. Having pretty toes is just fun!!

Just another issue..........

After reviewing my last entry I realized that I should state that entry was just fantasy talk because I really do love my husband. This time last year we were struggling with some challenges that I know have crumbled many marriages but I made the decision that I would not end our marriage because of money. Now I could have ended it because of the lies and deceit about where the money went but I decided I would first address this issue head on and educate myself about gambling addictions and see if my husband was going to reach out for help. I think that people now a days throw their hands up and walk away from marriages to quickly without attempting to make it work. Some might say that I am wrong about my opinion and my own decision to stay but that is the way it goes with free will. Hell, there are days I question myself about my decision! Being honest I would have to say I have a issue with failing and I have always seen divorce as failing. Maybe that is a cop out since I am a person of habit and don't always enjoy the challenges of change. This uncertainty is something I am working on as one of my goals for 2008. Working on myself is challenging at times but also has some rewards when I realize some of my strengths. (believe it or not I have found some strengths) As I am working on this journey I am finding that I am running into obstacles that keep me going back and questioning my motives.One huge issue I struggle with in so many aspects of my life is " am I settling". I don't want to just settle for things because it is easier but I also don't want to always strive to reach higher to the point where I am never content. I am trying to learn that one person can not meet all of my expectations and that does not mean I am settling when they don't meet them. Wonder if this makes any sense?
Looking back at this entry I am realizing that I am getting way to deep lately and I need to lighten up a laugh a little more. Note to self to remember to have more fun as I walk through this journey called life. That is a wonderful trait my husband has - he knows how to make me lighten up and laugh even when I don't think I want too.