Oh by the way when making list regarding my personal stuff I tend to make a negative and positive and then a dream list to compare.
Negative:
- Feel very trapped in a job that I don't really like in the corporate cut throat world. (Little side bar history - I only took this position in the finance department to get my foot in the door five years ago. My degree and creativeness is in marketing)
- Even though I need this job (pays the mortgage,medical benefits for hubby and me) it appears by the project I am on they are working on a computer program to replace me. (This scares me because historically when this company down sizes and eliminate people there is no warning and my bank account is not prepared for that)
- Husband still has two months of probation with this new company before he can be hired on permanently. That is assuming that this car company can hang on since others aren't.
- Money - the root of all evil around here! We are still cleaning up the mess that my husband created last year that I have spoke about in prior post. We still can not seem to get ahead to pay this debt down. I consolidated and moved all hidden debt he created over to one credit card that I negotiated a 1.99% interest rate with. We have until January 09 to get that paid down before I have to try and move it another lower rate card. Not sure if I can get that great of a rate again since I am sure our credit record is not so good since he was quietly not paying the bills. Long story but YES I learned my lesson about keeping involved with the home finances.
- Both of our cars our older and guzzle fuel but we are not a situation to trade them in. Plus I drive a Jeep because of the winter weather that I commute in. I hydroplaned on black ice a few years back and ended up taking out two trees before sliding into the ditch so I like the safety of a SUV for my commute.
- My house needs a new roof and I don't know if it will make it another year. It is two story so that cost more and to make matters worse it is going to need a complete removal because it has three layers. Let's just say the last estimate came to the tune of $11,000.00 and that was at the beginning of the season before the gas prices went off the charts. I know what you are thinking just sell the house and then you won't need to buy a roof and you could pay off your debt BUT in order to sell it we would need to get the roof done so it would pass inspection and I won't even mention the eletrictrial that would need to be addressed. This is charming 1926 red brick home with wonderful character but a whole lot of expense issues that need to be fixed. When we bought this house 11 years ago the building inspector did warn us about a new roof in a year or two so waiting 9 years has really pushed our luck. Ah yes young and dumb and this was our first home.
- Me - still haven't gotten on a strict diet and I gained 7 pounds more since I quit smoking in January. (Yes, I still miss smoking daily!!) I need to get back on schedule of walking my little bad boy by the marina. That helps him and me. I need to start cutting back on my outside commitments and focus on me more in a positive way. Need to address - weight, lack of exercise, lack of meditating/praying, lack of doing fun activities,
- Husband - still lack of intimacy, still lack of expressing verbally emotions, lack of compliments or positive words of encouragement, still lacks of seeing the big picture of debt and paying them off, still lack of permanent employment (he is really trying on this one), still lack of quitting smoking, still lack of getting on healthy routine.
Positive
- I have a job where I make enough money to pay mortgage. I do have a complete benefit package. If I do end up losing my job to a computer program I will get at least a months worth of salary and I can file for unemployment so I won't lose the house.
- At least we have vehicles that are running even though they are older. My Jeep is bigger so I feel safer in it. Both cars are paid for so there we don't have car payments!! Yippee, one less bill!
- House - I am within owning it outright in less than 10 years. I love the character of a older home with the open concept and the natural woodwork. It is brick so the outside maintenance is minimal. I love the sitting area on the front porch where I can read and watch the world go by.
- Money- not much of it but the household bills are current. We have learned how to make do with what we have and not buy just to buy. We don't eat out often (maybe twice a month), we don't stop for beverages like coffee,soda,or water instead we take one with us from home (just a side note that grabbing a beverage while you are out is going to have a 100% mark up over bringing it from home) We have learned we don't need to go out to festivals, fairs, and concerts to enjoy the summer because we can enjoy the summer in the backyard in the pool and cooking out and inviting friends over to sit around the fire pit laughing about life.
- Me - I am still smoke free since January 3rd of this year. I may have weight to lose but I still take care of fixing myself up nicely. I have natural blond hair which isn't as common as men would like to believe. I am caring,passionate,tenderhearted, and not afraid to say what is on my mind (well that is not always a positive I guess) I am tough so I am not afraid of hard work or scary people. I tan nicely and have a good one going since I sit outside and read a lot. I always,always have a book with me. I will read just about any type of book with the exception of those paperback romance stories that sell for 50 cents at the used book store.
- Husband - first person I will run to when the world has beaten me up. He always makes be feel safe when I am afraid.( and no he is no Popeye in his 31X31 jeans, and medium flannel shirt but for some reason I just know he could slay a dragon for me). He does over half of work at keeping the house maintained (please note I am not taking about deep cleaning because he has selective eyesight and does not see dust or floors that need be vacuumed, and he thinks that a closet is clean as long as nothing falls out when you open it.) He is a wonderful cook and cleans up his mess as he goes along. He brings humor to my life and has shown me how to have fun.
I am tired of the corporate politics and the backstabbing and the living in a cube for up ten hours a day. I am tired of worrying about the finances and the responsibilities of this household. I am just tired of being answer person for so many. I am tired of feeling emotional neglected and sexually neglected. I am tired of living in the city and watching neighborhoods slowly be destroyed by the negative influence of corruption.
Dreamworld:
Leave the corporate world and work from home doing part time freelance marketing or writing or work for Hallmark making greeting cards on my computer. Any would be fine as long as it is part time because the rest of the time I want to maintain my home in the country. I want to hang clothes on a clothes line, I want to have garden to grow all my own fresh veggies in, I want a apple tree so I can make fresh pies, I want some berry bushes so I can make cobblers, I want my husband to be honest, openly verbal with his love, passionate, enjoy a wife that would like to take care of him, and of course he will need to have a secure job making enough money so I don't have to worry about finances. I really just want a simpler life where I don't have to carry the burdens of it all. It doesn't have to be a huge farm house with a lot of acres nor does it have to be fancy full of purchases from Crate and Barrel (a nice set of dishes and pots/pans would be good) it just needs to a place we can call home. ( I really would like a fireplace though) :)
So, now that I have listed out the good, the bad, and the fairytale I need to find a way to be comfortable where I am and find peace with me and figure out what can I live with and what can I not live with so I don't have to be comfortably numb..........................
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