Till the wave passes

Heart rate is increasing. I can actually feel my heart beating even though it feels like a elephant is sitting on my chest. I begin to take deep breaths trying to calm myself and stop what is coming. My mind begins to race from subject to subject as though it is searching for the exact event to use against me. I am now going into that horrible state of suspense which seems to last forever. Most only go into a state of suspense for that short time when you just know the murderer in the movie is going to get the next victim but you are forced to the edge of your chair waiting. My mind has decides on a event that has happened or might happen and has began picking apart everything negative it can develop about this and feeds it to the worry sensor in me. Now my heart is racing, I'm feel in a state of suspense, and worry consumes me about something that may or may not have happened. This is what a PANIC ATTACK feels like for me. My first attack was almost two years ago and when it happen I had no idea what was happening and thought I was either having heart problems or I was losing my mind. After going to see my doctor about either heart surgery or a nice mental facility she explained it was neither and I was having panic attacks. I was not very open to this diagnosis and requested a test to be run to confirm. How was I to know there was no such test? The doctor explained that there is a prescription that she would give me for these attacks. Knowing that I am not a big fan of taking drugs she explained that I don't have to take it daily and only have to take the pill when I feel a attack coming on. The doctor also stated that I may not have these attacks forever. Sometimes huge amounts of stress or life changing events can trigger the onset of these attacks and sometimes after you have made it through and dealt with these events the attacks will stop. (Huge amounts of stress - HELLO - the death of 7 family members in a 2 year period, dealing with my mom who was extremely mentally fragile, husband betrayed my trust and almost bankrupt us, and have you seen what Obama is doing to this country) Anytime these attacks want to go away is fine with me. I have come a long way since the first panic attack episodes and have now learned how to talk myself down better. In fact I only take one of the pills if the attack is in the evening and it is effecting my ability to sleep or if I wake up in the middle of the night with a attack. (those are the worse) I have learned to take deep lung filling breathes and self talk my way through most attacks now. I know it may sound funny when I say I have to talk rational to my irrational thinking but it works for me. I have also been known to continuously repeat something in my head (like the Lord's prayer) and stay focused repeating it till the wave of panic passes. Not sure why I decided to share this piece of me today but there you have it - another bit of information you really didn't need to know................