daydreaming about night things..........

Today here is where I chose to put down in writing the chaos that haunts my thoughts lately. What is enough to make one stay in a relationship instead of leaving? Is having someone who helps take care of all the house responsibilities enough? Is having someone who cares for you when your sick or sad enough? Is having someone that makes you feel safe when your scared, happy when you are sad, protected when you feel vulnerable enough? I have all of these things with my husband and he is my best friend but yet I miss physical touch and intimacy so badly that I am not the same person anymore. No, he is not physically challenged and can't touch me - he just doesn't. This is a subject that I try to speak to him about but he will not talk about it. When I speak to him I have tried every way of approaching it and nothing seems to help. I can sit and talk to him and beg him to talk about it and he will act as though I am not even there. He just refuses to talk about it to the point that I have had a screaming fit because he won't talk to me and I even threatened to get a "pool boy". I have never ever in the almost twenty years of knowing each other ever told him "no" or " I have a headache" so for him to reject me constantly hurts. When I really sit and think about it this didn't just start overnight and has been slowly leading up to this. For the last few years he would just give in after I had thrown a big enough fit and not let the subject go but now he has just stopped. I have tried to explain how horrible it makes me feel as a woman but apparently that doesn't matter. I don't understand why such a caring man would be so selfish as to not even try to talk this out. If there was some reason to why he is not I would try to understand. I really don't believe there is another woman either because his schedule is very routine without any questionable time periods or missing funds. It would be very difficult for him to be having an affair. I wonder if it is me. I can understand that I am older and heavier than I was when we meet but I am not a ogre and I still get flirted with when out. Heck I am a forty year old very girlie style blond with blue eyes and a caring heart and a good job AND I am open to being creative in the bedroom. So how bad can I be? I find myself getting snapping at him over the smallest things and I know it is because I am so over frustrated and a cold shower is just not cutting it. As people read this I am sure they are thinking I should be grateful that I am married to a man that has so many other wonderful qualities and I really am grateful for those qualities BUT today I am just really frustrated. I am not saying that physical touch and intimacy is everything but geez I miss it. And yes it would be safe to say that I am daydreaming about night things in the middle of the afternoon................
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