So these are very random thoughts that I have been having that are probably better left unsaid so this is just between you and me.....
~~ Wonder if I will make any sense in this posting since I am on my third glass of wine.
~~ I think that when a medicine says on the bottle that it might intensify alcohol they mean it.
~~I wish I didn't eat a mango and drink wine today cause I am now really in a naughty mood and home alone. :(
~~ I still can't believe I was foolish enough to let my neighbors talk me into partaking in the whole neighborhood rummage. WTF I should be smarter than that!!
~~ I think I am doing much better emotionally since I started taking those little pills the size of tic-tacs I was so against. Maybe it isn't a personal weakness to need a bit of assistance from medicine.
~~ I probably shouldn't have flirted with the salesmen that called the house this evening. But he did have a sexy voice or is that the wine talking? (It might have been the mango talking)
~~ I have been working hard this week at controlling the anxiety as it rises. How did I get so out of control so fast. I have been able to control it for so long with self control and deep breathing.
~~ Wonder if the girl I am helping work through her abuse issues is doing alright. Sometimes it is amazing to me when I work with women just starting out dealing with their childhood abuse how far I have come. I would never have dreamed that it would be possible for me to rise above what happen and use the bad experiences as a positive now.
~~ Wonder if I this is a midlife crisis I am going through that is causing me to want to leave my job, sell my house and move far away to a small town and have a cute little house with a big garden in the back.
~~ I can't believe how tough I was yesterday killing a spider in the basement instead of running. (Please note that I had Raid in one hand and the broom in the other hand.)
~~ Wonder if there will be passion in my marriage again or will it just be what it is. Funny how I am the one that is stalking him for sex. Interesting how maybe now the age difference is effecting us or is it? Maybe it is just him and not the age.
I titled it correctly when I said RANDOM thoughts. Well anyway I am doing somewhat better these days which is encouraging. I am really really trying to not project situations that have not even occurred yet. I have been reminding myself daily that everything will work out alright and this is not worth my peace of mind. My goodness in the big picture of my life this is small potatoes so I need to suck it up, pick myself up and dust off, and start being the strong survivor I know I am. My next posting will be some crazy azz funny story of something goofy I have done lately cause this one is way to serious. (Plus I am taking my niece who is 6 out to a farm breakfast and farm event at 8:30am tomorrow) Now that should be interesting - the smell of farm while I am recovering from wine this evening. YIKES!
~~
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2 comments:
You sound eerily similar to me when I began writing my blog (4 years ago). It took a while to realize I was not only unhappy about myself, but also my marriage, my life and my direction.
I turned to my blog in the hopes I could understand more about how I got to be so unhappy and what I could do to change my direction. It was the hardest lesson i ever learned. But now, four years later, I ended my marriage, I'm a better parent and a happier man.
I'm not saying you will find yourself divorcing or anything drastic like that. But I found that in time, we can become happy again and we can have what we feel we need to be happy.
Sex (or lack thereof) was only a small part of my reason for leaving. But I've also discovered its much, much more enjoyable when your partner wants you as well. In fact, I would now rather remain celibate (G-d forbid) than to have sex with someone who considers it a chore.
Keep your chin up. You'll see it does get better. And I'm saying this after breaking up with a girl I dated post separation. Even though she dumped me (sort of), I'm still optimistic because I'm no longer stuck in a loveless marriage.
Ah yes part of why a started this blog was in hopes I could start to make sense of my life. I realize I am unhappy with me, my career, and parts of my marriage but I just don't exactly know how I am going to fix this. I am a type A personality so it takes me a while to organize and execute a plan because I get hung up on the details and the worry of perfection. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am trying to remember to be gratiful for the good of now and stay optimistic about my future. I promise to try tokeep my chin up if you will promise to do the same. And to help with the chin up part I am adding a song or two from ELO and The Eagles for you to listen to here on my blog. :)
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