Funny little creatures

These funny little creatures known as children that are now living with me surprise me every day. For the sake of staying anonymous I will call them Jane and John. They are just so unpredictable! Examples you ask.........

1. Jane seems to think that if you close the toilet lid it will stop the toilet from overflowing therefore there is no need to mention it to me when you come back outside. ( I can't even begin to guess how many gallons of water we cleaned up) (did I mention there was so much water that it was pouring through the floor to the basement)

2. John seems to think that making the bathroom floor a wading pool each time he showers is a requirement.

3. John seems to think that if you keep opening the frig and looking in the food will magically change into something he wants.

4. Jane seems to think I am a short order cook and her sole purpose in the day is to see how many times she can say she is "starving" - only to eat 4 bites before she says she is full.

5. John has selective hearing when it comes to hearing me tell him to stop bouncing the ball in the house or please pick your hot wheels because it isn't funny when Auntie steps on them.

6. Jane also has selective hearing when I tell her to stop leaving her clothes and shoes where ever she takes them off at.

7. Last night I walked into the front room and witnessed Jane playing rope tug with the dog and she had the rope in her mouth!! She stated it is only fair since that she use her mouth since he has too. After explaining to her that the rope is yucky and the dog has had his mouth on it and he also puts his mouth on himself she agreed not to do it again. Then five minutes later she walks in the kitchen and says "do you think he licks himself before or after he plays with the rope" I am just not equipped for these type of questions!!!

8. John and Jane have issues with everything has to be fair and even - Steven. For example - Jane insisted on her glass of juice having the exact same amount as John's glass. Much time and effort is put in to ensure that each glass is at the exact same level of juice ( I was forced to review the line twice) only to find out after they finally agreed it is even that Jane doesn't even like this flavor of juice! Remind me again why I even agreed to review the juice line?

9. Since I take John and Jane to the beach to walk the dog often they have decided to collect "cool" rocks to bring back. I gave them each a bucket to store them in and when I asked them why I am finding the rocks all the around the house instead of in the bucket they informed me they are helping me "decorate the house". Seriously I didn't know I needed more decorations.

10. John (who is 9) insist on announcing all the bodily functions he has done - such as I burped or I just tooted (he was saying fart but I hate that word), I have to go poop or I just went poop. I have tried to explain to him that I have no interest in knowing these things but for some reason he finds humor in telling me. ( husband says it is a boy thing - but I think it is just wrong)

Well there you have it. The top ten examples of stories about the little creatures.
You know I am finding that regardless of how list prepared I attempt to be when you have children around you better make the list in pencil and carry a big eraser.................